Winter in Boston

Why is everybody in Greater Boston surprised when it snows around here. It's not like Boston Common is lined with palm trees, you know.

You'd think that the fact that we're in New England would give everyone a clue. But, nooooooo. At the first warning sign by those remarkably competent weather forecasters, the populace goes into a panic. There's a run on grocery stores as even folks who are lactose intolerant stock up on milk. I'm told it all goes back to the Blizzard of '78, but come on, that's more than 30 years ago. Get over it!

It's open season on the roads too, as native drivers, already among the worst in the country, apparently think that a little snow or ice on the pavement is a reason to channel themselves to the Autobahn. In fact, it would appear everyone thinks they're in a Ford Explorer- free to test the mettle of their four-wheel drive vehicle, even if they're behind the wheel an '98 Corolla.

And while we're at it, have you ever seen anything like the local weather forecasters. It's hard to imagine a group of people better paid to do their jobs as badly, except maybe left-handed pitchers. Earlier this winter, in the first real storm of the season (yes, it's winter kids), our intrepid meteorologists all promised that the snow would be west of Rt. 495. Well, unless the Prudential Tower was somehow transported across the international date line, they were wrong, because it snowed like a sun-of-a-gun in the Back Bay all day.

What's truly remarkable is how much time and money is spent on television weather forecasts. They've got the most sophisticated computer generated graphics, and more time than any other segment of the news, and yet, it's all still guess work. A local broadcast executive once told me that research showed that the weather was the most popular part of the news-the reason people tuned in-the ratings driver.

I had to explain that they were misinterpreting the data. People don't want a seven-minute weather report (particularly when it's rarely correct). They want seven ten-second weather reports throughout the newscast. It's like Jimmy Tingle says, "Just tell me-Do I need a coat?"

I'm convinced that's why people in California seem happier, and more spiritually enlightened than we do. It's not just that it's sunny all the time. It's that they don't have to spend ten minutes every morning standing frozen between their closet and the television waiting to be told if they should wear wool or cotton. That's ten minutes every day to sleep, seek spiritual guidance, or just roll over and.........